I often struggle when people ask me if I believe in God because belief suggests that there is a choice and that I and others are somehow separate from It. I feel that the voice and wisdom of the Creator is immediately and infinitely within and around all of us. I also think that each of us is a minister with messages that are direct expressions of Divine insight and Divine love. Thus, I find it difficult, if not impossible, to detach Spirit from the miracle of my and billions of others’ existence. I believe in God as I believe in myself, as I believe that you are reading this, as I believe in the air we are breathing. Yet, belief is too small of a word and implies acceptance of something without evidence or proof. I do not merely believe in God, I experience God and I know God. I experience God as visibly and viscerally alive in each of us, and I know God not as a friend or as a deity on whom I need to call, but instead as Truth that is burning to be discovered, explored, and shared.
My father once wrote to me, “Duality is a deception. There is no us and ‘him’. Once we perceive our unity with God, our oneness, the Light stops being inner or inward but part of our very being.” This seems right. God is. It is everything and everywhere. It is in the text and in the margins, in deep, abiding silence and rambunctious cacophonies of noise. It is in each of us, even those of us who behave in disturbed, sinful, malicious, or evil ways, even in those of us who don’t feel it or choose not to acknowledge it. For me, God is not a man or a woman; it is not even human. In fact, I believe that its power lies in its absolute lack of humanity. God cannot watch or listen or judge or act because God is greater and more powerful than any action or behavior we can begin to imagine. God moves among and within us, guiding us, showing us, bringing us closer to Truth. My Faith is at once flexible and absolute, steady and ever-changing. It leaves room for other people’s beliefs and Truths, while remaining uncompromising and resolute. Love is the center and the essence.
Although I know God is everywhere, I find God most easily in raw experiences. Pure joy. Pure pain. Pure love. Pure understanding. Grief. A person’s sleeping face. A child’s belly laugh. A hungry person’s eyes. A thing feels most Divine to me when it is untarnished and not bound to convention or “reality.” I find God in the details and in the blank slate. Always, it's beautiful and transformative. Always, it is.